... in my hunger and excitement I knew ...
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Experimental works, prompts, mostly raw and new writing. A place to hang them while they dry.
The Writing Vein
Go to my main website The Writing Vein.
I have a submissions calendar page. These are culled from P&W, Duotrope, CRWOPPS, emails and friends. Feel free to add the Google calendar in its entirety to your calendar or add specific events.
I have a submissions calendar page. These are culled from P&W, Duotrope, CRWOPPS, emails and friends. Feel free to add the Google calendar in its entirety to your calendar or add specific events.
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April
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3 comments:
For Hannah (name changed to protect...?)
by Deb
It was my first day
or maybe second or third of
first year internship
and me feeling ever the fraud
the sing song in my brain
an ongoing refrain, oh god
they think I know what I'm doing
All day meeting people
hello, hello, hello
trying to remember names
forgotten already
trying to remember
how many memories I had suffered
to arrive at this awkward moment
Settled, less than more
in a small room up the stairs
sweat of exertion and panic
dripping beads of adrenaline
on the back of my neck
but then all in a sudden
something else ruffled there
Through ion air, someone asks
oh, and have you met Hannah
I turned, ready for the robotic
hello, this time stammered
mouth wet with the taste of
some long ago wanting
a deep unfamiliar knowing
shock of lightening struck me full
ripples of unbidden want
fireworks in my veins, awakening
spaces I thought long forgotten
my face betrayed with blushing
turned red as a valentine
how cliche I taunted myself
love (unrequited) at first sight
the trophy has a heart
by Dot
wanting was the hard part
so I learned to not want
excitement came next because it led to want
wanting more of what was good
and less of what made the excitement go away
or if I got in trouble for being
overly excited
so I learned to not be excited
doing well was the goal
straight A's perfect scores the best the first
always
except it was wrong to say so
it was wrong to brag or say look what I did
it was expected I would be
the shining star the golden goose
or the egg
do it well but say nothing
don't want applause
don't get excited at excellence
don't brag or boast or show your colors
so I learned to do well quietly
I learned it was all too much or too little
there was no pleasing and if
I had something and it was more it would disappear
and if
I did something better or wanted to learn more
it was taken away
pleasing seemed to mean to walk that fine line
of excellent invisibility
of no demands only performance
of me not being present except as a mirror
a trophy
a show piece
to put back on the shelf before I tarnished
is it any wonder I can't find the way to lasting excitement
or desires that feed the hunger that is consuming me
Very powerful Dot! 'of excellent invisibility', my favorite line, I suppose because I have my own version of invisibility, also prized and expected. When a poem can speak to you of the poet and the reader (each in their own way of course), that is always a WOW!
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